SEX AND THE CITY - OUR CITY!!

I’m back!
Had a very busy week, and still do – but I missed the blog, and I had something to get off my (34-B) chest, so here I am.

I am on the board of a large community organization. We had our bi-weekly meeting yesterday, and some disturbing news, that apparently everyone knew about except for me, was one of the topics discussed.

FACT: A fifteen year old girl in Williamsburg, recently gave birth to twins. She is naturally a single girl, living under her chasidishe family’s watchful eyes, yet – “Where there’s a will, there’s a way” and she had a boyfriend………the twins were given up for adoption, the girl was sent to Israel for a year, to a girl’s school, and the identity of the girl is being kept (trying to anyway) quiet.

FACT: A sixteen year old girl in Williamsburg, just had an abortion………same circumstances.

FACT: A kallah in Williamsburg has gone to her Ruv with this sheila…….being that she is a victim of long term abuse by her father and no longer a virgin, is she obligated to inform her chosson.

I heard more at this meeting, believe me……but I won’t go into each and every case - too numerous to relate.

The dilemma facing the community leaders is; how to keep the teenagers at home – how to keep them happy at home, so they do not feel the need to explore the outside world with all it’s glitz and glitter on the surface, and the ultimate heartbreak that will ensue.

Is a moment of excitement and lust worth a lifetime of shame?

Is the sin of sex before marriage, possible abortions, unwanted babies, worth the guilt that will stay for always and ever?

Yes – the Rabbonim have imposed a 10 p.m. curfew for single girls.

Do they really have the naivete to not know that

“whatever Lola wants Lola gets”?

Curfew or no curfew…….

Their curfew is no solution at all. Rather the opposite. It will make it more exciting to sneak out, hang out with the wrong crowd.

Has anyone read Pearl Abraham’s first book, “The Romance Reader?" Although she writes it in novel form, it’s based on her own life, growing up in Monsey, being choked by restrictions, marrying someone her parents chose, and ultimately leaving the chasidic world. It’s a wonderful book, written with honesty….

The answer is to make the children and teenagers feel loved and respected at home. Don’t say NO to everything! Allow them the video games, allow the library books, take them to Eichler’s to choose books and music that are jewish oriented, take them to museums, go bowling with them, play scrabble with them, let them go bike riding in a park that is safe.

DON’T GIVE THEM SO MANY RESTRICTIONS THAT THEY

WILL FEEL LIKE PRISONERS IN THEIR OWN HOMES.

Because then - they will plan a breakout – for sure!

Give compliments and praise their accomplishments, don’t just lecture them and put them down. Don’t focus on the bad mark they got in geography. What about the A that they got in History? Teach and parent with kindness, teach by example. Give them a warm, loving atmosphere in the home – they won’t feel the need to escape if that is so.

What was the atmosphere like in YOUR home when you were growing up?
Do you think that if things had been different, you might have grown up to be happier?
Would you have been more religious?
Did YOUR parents give you the love and warmth that you needed?