FORBIDDEN LOVE..........
She woke up on Shabbos morning and looked at the clock near her bedside.
8:45 am.
Her first thoughts were not of her husband, nor of her children. As she opened her eyes, her very first thought was of him…….She had been dreaming of him, and suddenly awakening, had to face the reality that he was not with her. Nor would he be all of that day.
We shall not go into all the little details that make up a day. But the day did finally come to an end. The lovely Shabbos, that was meant to be a day of rest, a "Yom Menucha," was the hardest day of the week for her and had been so for several months now.
All day she had been thinking of him. Wanting to be near him. Wanting to tell him something funny that had just occurred to her. Wanting to share some story from her past, or tell about an amusing incident that had happened at work this week. Aching for him, she did all the things one must do to get through the day without any unpleasantness in her household. Her family must not know what is lying behind that agreeable smiling face, as she serves the shabbos food at the table. Nobody can see into her heart, into her very being, as she struggles to keep a smile on her face, while all the time thinking of the last time she was with him.
And so the day ends, the havdala has been recited……….She reaches for her cellphone, turns it on, and checks for messages. None. Ok, ok….don’t panic, she tells herself….. After all, shabbos has just been over for 20 minutes now. He will call very soon. And she is so sure that he will want to meet her tonight. He loves her as she loves him. Of this she has no doubt. She spoke to him just hours before Shabbos, and she was with him just yesterday. But - she wants to be with him every minute of every day. Not just yesterday, and maybe tonight or possibly tomorrow, if he can break away from his family. Yes, he is also committed to another. He has another life just as she does. It is very hard for him as well. She knows that.
She has already showered; she is wearing something new that was purchased with just him in mind. . She had been to the beauty salon the day before, had in fact spent hours just for him. She is in a perpetual state of readiness for his last minute calls; she knows that they cannot plan in advance; they must wait for the opportunity, whenever it will be. She understands; it is hard but she understands.
A close girlfriend had called on Friday, wanting to get together on Saturday night. She hemmed and hawed, and finally said that she would love to, but would not be certain that she could go until after havdala., Could her friend call her back then? Yes, of course, the friend said, and now – here it was – Saturday night. He calls. He tells her that he is going out with his family to a friends house. He speaks in a friendly casual way, but she knows that underneath that light manner, is a heart that beats for her. But he cannot say it, and he knows that it is foolish to say it. He is more logical than she is. He sees things for what they are. Dreams are for children, and he is grown up.
They love each other – that is a fact.
Her friend phones and yes, she is free to see her friend. They make plans for the evening, and all the while there is a hole in her heart that seems to be getting bigger and hurting more and more each minute. She tries to ignore it.
She will go out with her friend.
Tomorrow. She will see him tomorrow…………….
Her first thoughts were not of her husband, nor of her children. As she opened her eyes, her very first thought was of him…….She had been dreaming of him, and suddenly awakening, had to face the reality that he was not with her. Nor would he be all of that day.
We shall not go into all the little details that make up a day. But the day did finally come to an end. The lovely Shabbos, that was meant to be a day of rest, a "Yom Menucha," was the hardest day of the week for her and had been so for several months now.
All day she had been thinking of him. Wanting to be near him. Wanting to tell him something funny that had just occurred to her. Wanting to share some story from her past, or tell about an amusing incident that had happened at work this week. Aching for him, she did all the things one must do to get through the day without any unpleasantness in her household. Her family must not know what is lying behind that agreeable smiling face, as she serves the shabbos food at the table. Nobody can see into her heart, into her very being, as she struggles to keep a smile on her face, while all the time thinking of the last time she was with him.
And so the day ends, the havdala has been recited……….She reaches for her cellphone, turns it on, and checks for messages. None. Ok, ok….don’t panic, she tells herself….. After all, shabbos has just been over for 20 minutes now. He will call very soon. And she is so sure that he will want to meet her tonight. He loves her as she loves him. Of this she has no doubt. She spoke to him just hours before Shabbos, and she was with him just yesterday. But - she wants to be with him every minute of every day. Not just yesterday, and maybe tonight or possibly tomorrow, if he can break away from his family. Yes, he is also committed to another. He has another life just as she does. It is very hard for him as well. She knows that.
She has already showered; she is wearing something new that was purchased with just him in mind. . She had been to the beauty salon the day before, had in fact spent hours just for him. She is in a perpetual state of readiness for his last minute calls; she knows that they cannot plan in advance; they must wait for the opportunity, whenever it will be. She understands; it is hard but she understands.
A close girlfriend had called on Friday, wanting to get together on Saturday night. She hemmed and hawed, and finally said that she would love to, but would not be certain that she could go until after havdala., Could her friend call her back then? Yes, of course, the friend said, and now – here it was – Saturday night. He calls. He tells her that he is going out with his family to a friends house. He speaks in a friendly casual way, but she knows that underneath that light manner, is a heart that beats for her. But he cannot say it, and he knows that it is foolish to say it. He is more logical than she is. He sees things for what they are. Dreams are for children, and he is grown up.
They love each other – that is a fact.
Her friend phones and yes, she is free to see her friend. They make plans for the evening, and all the while there is a hole in her heart that seems to be getting bigger and hurting more and more each minute. She tries to ignore it.
She will go out with her friend.
Tomorrow. She will see him tomorrow…………….
The phone rings...........He asks "Sherry baby, can you come out and play? I miss you."
She calls her friend..........who, of course, understands, she cancels her plans with her girlfriend - and with a happy heart goes to meet him.
Two natures beat within her breast.
The one is cursed, the other is blessed.
The one she loves, the other she hates.
The one she feeds will dominate!
BLOGGERS - DO YOU UNDERSTAND THIS? CAN YOU UNDERSTAND THIS? DO YOU KNOW ANYONE WHO IS IN THIS POSITION?
I understand my friend, I do not want to judge her; she is a wonderful person and a true friend to me.
WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOUR FRIEND ASKED YOU TO ALIBI FOR HER/HIM??
They met purely by chance
Theirs was not an office romance
How could they have known in advance
The course this would take - this dance?
Do you think that they suffered no pain?
Do you think that they felt no shame?
And who, is the first one to blame?
The were drawn like a moth to a flame.
He melts inside, each time they meet,
She hears his name, her heart skips a beat.
How do they describe this feeling
Pure ecstasy, blissful, heart-healing.
Floating away to another place....
Far away - leaving no trace
Just the two of them in paradise.
Where they can be as one with no compromise
They hold on to their beautiful dream
Is it possible?
But from this dream, they must return
Back to their senses and realization
Back to a world they wish to escape
Awakened to the truth of what's right and what's wrong
And what is not theirs - at least for now.........
And what is not theirs - at least for now.........
posted by Margaritagirrl @ 11:30 PM
45 comments
45 Comments:
Gosh MG, it's a terrible situation. I guess the bottom line is family comes first. Each of them has to split up and make every human effort possible to get back to loving their spouse and keeping their family together. If that doesn't work and they gave it their best shot, then I suppose they have to end their marraiges. There is no simple solution.
TRK
The Rabbi's Kid,
100% right......they have both raised families and that has always been the priorities of both. Now the kids are in their teens, with interests of their own, and they are left (each husband, each wife) with each other......Being close to one of them, I can understand very well, and I do not condone nor condemn. But it IS a damned shame that they cannot find a little slice of happiness and love, finally, to call their own. Don't you think?
cant stop addiction can you MG?
Anonymous said...
"cant stop addiction can you MG?"
Moi?
Je suis intoxiqué à la vie et à l'amour
Hi Maragaritta,
It's the guy who made that nasty remark on NormalJew's site. I trully enjoyed your latest piece. Very insightful, very tasteful, and certainly well written. I think you should write as much as possible. There's room for improvemet as far as your writing skills go. That is not to take anything away from you or to put you down.
I haven't yet had a situation such as the one you describe. I'm married at the tender age of 23 and there are many a girl I'd be interested in pursuing were it not for my being married. But my loyalty and love for Miri overcome all such feelings-cravings perhaps. Up to now I've yet to really get serious about someone or even begin thinking of them perpetually.
But I do see your point-your friend's situation-for that matter. I understand her and feel for her. My suggestion for her would be to not make any decisions that she has not thought through and regurgitated-so to speak. This is a matter of almost life and death proportions so it is of utmost importance that she think this thing over not just once or twice; rather give it a considerable amount of time. Divorce is a very difficult and painful matter.
Behazlaha, Eitan.
oh,i almost cried when i read this,it could easily have been me writting it.i am not married,though he is ,and after a while the guilt wares off and the hope to see him takes its place.what a sad and ignorant situation to be in.
Regreg23,
Thanks for the comments and your opinion. I'm interested to hear your critique on my writing skills as there is so much to learn and I do aspire to be an author one day
YOU SAY;
"This is a matter of almost life and death proportions so it is of utmost importance that she think this thing over not just once or twice; rather give it a considerable amount of time. Divorce is a very difficult and painful matter."
READ ONE OF MY PREVIOUS POSTS ABOUT THIS SUBJECT - TITLED "IS THE GRASS ALWAYS GREENER" - IN THAT PIECE, I DO SAY THAT DIVORCE SHOULD ALWAYS BE THE VERY LAST OPTION - IF EVERY OTHER AVENUE HAS BEEN EXPLORED AND NOTHING CAN SAVE A DYING MARRIAGE.........
takkabelle,
HOW ARE YOU HANDLING THIS SITUATION NOW? HE IS MARRIED AND YOU ARE NOT. SO, ALTHOUGH AS FAR AS YOU'RE CONCERNED YOU CAN GO ANYWHERE WITH ANYONE. SINCE YOU CHOOSE HIM, BECAUSE YOU OBVIOUSLY LOVE HIM DEEPLY, YOU CANNOT APPEAR IN PUBLIC TOGETHER, YOUR TIME IS LIMITED, YOU CANNOT CALL HIM WHEN YOU WANT, ETC. ETC.
IS THIS WORKING FOR YOU? CAN YOU DEAL WITH IT? IS YOUR CAREER SUFFERING? ARE YOU IGNORING YOUR FRIENDS BECAUSE OF THIS?
I REALLY WANT TO HEAR HOW SUCH A RELATIONSHIP CAN WORK.........IT MUST BE SO VERY HARD...
I wouldn't want to be there when the situation finally explodes.
OMG, what a post! The alibi question is like something I really wonder what I'd do. Like I would so not want to agree. It is just wring.
I mean I totally understand the problem here. I know a young girl a few years older than me and I really think she is up to stuff and I know that her husband like treats her so badly and like totally ignores her. She just craves attention and like validation, and this guy I think gives it to her. It is terrible. But I guess the priority has to be fixing it up, and if not take serious steps. I don't think this is helping. But like I said, seeing her bad situation I can never judge her. But I would never want to cover for her.
But push comes to shove, I don't think I'd ever be able not to cover for a friend. I guess I would like try to talk her into somehow getting a more permanent solution, and that this should be the last time, like MeU said.
Shalom
I think I might have the solution for your love stricken friend.
Let her get divorced, marry her lover, and sooner or later he too will no longer be that love of her life.
At that point, she can remarry her children's father.
Of course I'm only kidding, but you get the gist of my thoughts...
I don't think you should lie to cover her tracks - although dont incriminate her. You can be a good friend, but that doesnt mean you need to agree to whatever she does. Her issues are just that, there is no need for you to assist her in what she is doing wrong - unless you agree with what she is doing.
It is a difficult situation, just my few cent.
Hoezentragerin said...
"I think I might have the solution for your love stricken friend.
Let her get divorced, marry her lover, and sooner or later he too will no longer be that love of her life."
DON'T BE CYNICAL - WHAT YOU'RE SAYING DOES HAPPEN MANY TIMES, JUST TRADING IN ONE FOR THE OTHER, AND MARRIAGE KILLS ROMANCE (THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE BASICALLY SAYING) BUT SOMETIMES IT DOES WORK.....IF THE 2 PEOPLE ARE THE RIGHT 2 PEOPLE FOR EACH OTHER, IT CAN HAVE A HAPPY ENDING..
"At that point, she can remarry her children's father.
Not according to halacha she can't."
Yoish, Moosik, I was only trying to bring a point across.
Dont get so tech on me!
Meyer says,
"But sometimes when he wakes up in the middle of the night he can see her face and feel her warm skin against his and smell her scent and maybe she does the same. But it never can be and such is life"
YES - IT'S VERY PAINFUL.
BUT STILL, HE HAD THE JOY, THE LOVE, THE ADVENTURE. SOME PEOPLE WILL NEVER KNOW HOW MAGICAL A RELATIONSHIP CAN BE...AT LEAST HE'S LEFT WITH WONDERFUL MEMORIES (although, why in the world did she try to get revenge if she loved him so much?)
"I know some single people who are perfectly happy and in love with a partner that is married! "
So what Bleemy,
I know some people who are perfectly happy and rape, rob and kill.
What's your point?
Meyer, sorry to disappoint you here, but some of us still do care about halacha.
(although, why in the world did she try to get revenge if she loved him so much?)
Well MG,
Love and hate are closer related than most people seem or want to realize
Hoezentragerin says,
"Love and hate are closer related than most people seem or want to realize"
YOU'RE SO RIGHT! A VERY FINE LINE SEPARATES THE TWO.........
Meyer: You sound really bitter.
MG: What a sad story. I truely hope it isn't autobiographical.
Par levioux Francaise..
HT: nice to hear from you again. Were you away in the country or something we all missed you.
Meyer,
you say
"becuase under the influence of the passion he (like most guys) would have sworn on his mothers grave he take her away from her miserable abusive marriage. But like Meatloaf sings....It was long ago & It was far away....so much better than it was today."
WHY DO GUYS DO THAT?? IN THE BEGINNING, WHEN THEY FALL IN LOVE, THEY SWEAR THAT THEY WILL "NEVER HURT HER" AND THEN......THEY GO AND HURT HER...... BY TAKING HER FOR GRANTED, ONCE THEY SEE THAT SHE IS TOTALLY IN LOVE AND COMMITTED TO HIM AND WILL DO ALMOST ANYTHING FOR HIM. THEN THEY HAVE THE POWER, THEY MADE THE CONQUEST........
whom we married, oh not so long ago and where oh so in love then...
Reality check here.
For many chasidishe couples there never was a "then"
Hoezentragerin said...
"whom we married, oh not so long ago and where oh so in love then...
Reality check here.
For many chasidishe couples there never was a "then" "
WELL SAID! THERE NEVER WAS A "OH, SO IN LOVE THEN" ......AND SO, SOME ARE DISCOVERING LOVE FOR THE FIRST TIME.....MUCH LATER, WITH A SPOUSE AND CHILDREN IN THE BACKGROUND...
killabendeL,
You're right....in MOST cases. They get away with it, BECUSE THEY CAN.....and when a woman falls in love, she really does that. Then, the guy knows he's got the power, he can stop the hunt, the prey is his!
L'amour est difficile. La femme est amoureuse et donne tout l'elle-même à l'homme. L'homme tire profit de la femme. Il pense qu'elle est faible et il est fort. Les femmes sont fortes!
ANYONE KNOW WHAT I WROTE??
would you want your husband's chavrusa to tell you if something was going on...?
MG:
You certainly have a lot of friends with infidelity issues. That has to suck. I think that my wishes echo those of Semgirl, about 5 or so comments ago.
Oui . Tres bon.. , MG
MALKA SAYS; (in French)
You are correct in saying that love is very difficult, especially when it is an forbidden love which is not really allowed. A women fuels this love with everything she possess. - she gives herself totally, including body and heart. The man is, by his nature, a creature much simpler than are we . I am one of these strong women and I thank D.ieu with tous.les.jours for having been given this quality. I do not know if this is about your personal history which you tell but, it does not matter, I wish that these people who are mentioned, will know happiness and a peaceful end with their union. MG, I hope I didn't throw stones at you here..
Why are all you bloggers closing shop?
We will miss you!
Meyer, I think you are very smart. I also think you are referring to a situation that you were involved in. I re-read your comments about the relationship that seemed so very strong, and then little things mushroomed until the girlfriend became like a wife. The married man did not need another wife! He already had one, and probably a devoted one, and so a split was inevitable.
But it is so painful. At night you remember all the magical things and feelings that you shared with this person, and now it's over....it takes a long time to gete over, and sometimes you never get over it......you just keep on living and doing what you have to do.
Je suis désolé de dire au revoir à tout le vous. J'ai aimé vous écrire et j'ai aimé recevoir vos commentaires. Après avoir dit cela, je dois également vous dire que que certains savent qui la fille de Margarita est, et cela a suffoqué ma franchise. J'ai perdu un ami pour cette raison. D'autre part, j'ai rencontré un nouvel ami en raison de mon blogging. Ce n'est pas une chose facile. Pour tous les jeunes bloggers hors de ther, il peut sembler juste une autre manière d'avoir un rire, mais pas pour moi. J'étais honnête en décrivant mes sentiments, et beaucoup ne sont pas prêts à entendre la vérité. Again, I say goodbye and wish you happiness always. MARGARITA GIRL............
Jsir,
How can I help when i am lost myself?? :(
jsirpicco said...
MG!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
You can't leave us! Jsirpicco doesn't let.
Yes, this blog is your feelings and all that - and yes, there's also light heartedness and laughter....nothing wrong on that end...
I dunno. Jsirpicco is NOT pleased with this. And what about Barbara from California? You gonna just leave her to her secular ways????
This blog is her IN to Yiddishkeit (though, I guess it gives kind of a skewed version of it...)
And did you get permission from Hoezen? NO ONE DOES NOTHING WITHOUT HOEZEN"S PERMISSION!!!
(okay - so Hoezen is 5'3" petite. Brown sheitel, wears suits. I'm pictuing blue suits with white trim. She smiles quietly to herself, knows how to keep her opinions quiet, except to those she trusts - her husband is in on the game. They have a good marriage. He teaches at a yeshiva gedolah somewhere, or he's a mortgage guy. Chevra man.
They know the ins and outs, but basically behave themselves, but she has friends who go off the derech and tell her. This distresses her, but usually, she can find the culprit....
And you, aren't you going to be lonely without us?
I dunno. Jsirpicco is sad about all of this. Sad sad sad.
Well, next time I'm "in town," and in Borough Park, and I see a lady in a pink stewardess outfit, with the hat on top of the sheitel, dirty blonde sheitel, with white gloves, too. Wearing white gloves, shopping for shabbos clothes for her kids, with a wistfull smile on her face - I'll know it's MG.
But NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW WHO JSIRPICCO IS>...black hat? velvet kippah? White shirt? Colored shirt? Knitted Kippah? Glasses, no glasses? Beard, no beard?
The password will be: Gilgul
JS,
Since you are so devastated that I left, I'm coming back for awhile.........happy?
...All day she had been thinking of him. Wanting to be near him. Wanting to tell him something funny that had just occurred to her. Wanting to share some story from her past, or tell about an amusing incident that had happened at work this week.
....Yes, he is also committed to another. He has another life just as she does.
...He speaks in a friendly casual way, but she knows that underneath that light manner, is a heart that beats for her. But he cannot say it, and he knows that it is foolish to say it. He is more logical than she is. He sees things for what they are. Dreams are for children.
Every word and emotion is true! I am living it and as much joy it brings into my life, the pain is ever stronger because in reality, our lives will never become husband and wife to each other.
Sure I can understand. I am a middle aged man. Married with children. Frum. And I have been in love in with another woman.
What did I do about it? Nothing. We met occaisionally for a while. We both knew it couldn't turn into anything. And now she's married to someone else and I'm happy for her.
Bottom line: feelings aren't real. Torah is. Keep it real.
Heart wrenching...........
I think we met tonight btw.
First of all I'm SHOCKED that so many of you can relate to such a situation!!
Doesnt anyone realize that this is exactly what the torah forbids and mentions BECAUSE it knows we were all created with a yezer harah. Hello thats exactly what that was the yetzer hara! What more is there to say we are all familliar with that sneaky guy and easier said then done but we all know what has to be done -just get rid of it! The longer you think about what it has to offer the deeper it lurs you in! Hatzlocha
Its a never ending battle
Anonymous says
"Its a never ending battle'
IT REALLY IS.
THERE IS A SAYING,
"THE WILL IS STRONG, BUT THE FLESH IS WEAK" AND IT'S SOMETIMES SO HARD TO RESIST, ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU ACCIDENTALLY FIND YOUR PERFECT SOULMATE, YET YOU BOTH CANNOT ACT ON IT, BEING MARRIED AND TRYING TO KEEP THINGS "KOSHER" - SO TO SPEAK.
I THINK, THAT OF THE BIG TEN, THIS IS THE HARDEST COMMANDMENT TO KEEP. GOTTA KEEP TRYING THOUGH, RIGHT?
I'd like to get back to the question of whether or not you should alibi for your friend. MG, your heart is clearly in the right place; however, you may want to think about whether you're acting in your friend's best interests if you alibi for her. Don't just think of the short-term -- think of the long-term. Please don't take this as a moral judgment, but I think adultery is an unhealthy situation. The duplicitousness involved is not good for anybody -- not your friend, nor her lover, nor her husband or her lover's wife. Your friend needs to make a decision and stick with it. If she wants a relationship with the new guy, she needs to bite the bullet and invest in that relationship. That means dumping her current husband, with all the complications involved. If the guy means that much to her, then he's worth it. If he doesn't, then she needs to commit herself to her current situation, as unsatisfactory as that may be, and try to make it work. It may not feel good, but she can't have her cake and eat it too, and trying to maintain an affair and a marriage at the same time is simply not viable long-term. When you decide to alibi for her, you're enabling her to make a choice which is bad for her. Again -- I'm not saying this out of moral turpitude. This is just because I feel that being a good friend doesn't always mean doing what your friend asks of you, if you feel that's not in her best interests. Would you alibi for her if she were taking drugs? As the good friend you clearly are, I'm pretty sure I can guess the answer to that. We can argue about whether or not the situations are comparable, but I think you see my point. Good luck!
I live by the creedo; never do anything you're going to regret.
Covering for a friend who puts her physical needs before any others is something I would certainly regret.
Although I would feel sorry for her.
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Enjoyed a lot! » »
Thanks MG, for the invite, the peek... as an author i completely admire your eloquence as a reader i truly understand...
looking forward to sharing and enjoying each others work.
JD
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