Wednesday, July 27, 2005

A GOOD WORD CAN MEAN SO MUCH...


I was in New York the other day and rode with a friend in a taxi. When we got out, my friend said to the driver,
“Thank you for the ride. You did a superb job of driving” The taxi driver was stunned for a second, then he said. “Are you a wise guy or something?”

“No, my dear man, and I’m not putting you on. I admire the way you keep your cool in heavy traffic.”

“Yeh,” the driver said and drove off.

“What was that all about?” I asked.

“I am trying to bring love back to New York,” he said.
“I believe it’s the only thing that can save the city.”

“How can one man save New York?"

“It’s not one man. I believe I have made the taxi driver’s day. Suppose he has twenty fares. He’s going to be nice to those twenty fares because someone was nice to him. Those fares in turn will be kinder to their employees, or shop-keepers, or waiters, or even their own families. Eventually the goodwill could spread to at least 1,000 people. Now that isn’t bad, is it?”

“But you’re depending on that taxi driver to pass your good will to others.”

“I’m not depending on it, “ my friend said, “
I’m aware that the system isn’t foolproof, so I might deal with ten different people today. If, out of ten, I can make three happy, then eventually I can indirectly influence the attitudes of 3,000 more.”

“It sounds good on paper,” I admitted,
“but I’m not sure it works in practice.”

Nothing is lost if it doesn’t. It didn’t take any of my time to tell that man that he was doing a good job. He neither received a larger tip nor a smaller tip. If it fell on deaf ears, so what? Tomorrow there will be another taxi driver whom I can try to make happy.”

“You’re some kind of a nut, “
I said.

“That shows how cynical you have become………”

We were walking past a structure in the process of being built and passed five workmen eating their lunch. My friend stopped.
“That’s a magnificent job you men have done. It must be difficult and dangerous work.” The five men eyed my friend suspiciously.
“When will it be finished?”
“June,”
a man grunted.

“Ah, that really is impressive. You must all be very proud.”

We walked away. I said to him, “I haven’t seen anyone like you since ‘The Man of La Mancha.’”

“When those men digest my words, they will feel better for it. Somehow the city will benefit from their happiness.”

“But you can’t do this alone,”
I protested. “You’re just one man.”

“The most important thing is not to get discouraged. Making people in the city become kind again is not an easy job, but if I can enlist other people in my campaign….”

“You just winked at a very plain looking woman,” I said.

“Yes, I know,” he replied, “And if she’s a schoolteacher, her class will be in for a fantastic day.”

Imagine what life would be like if this campaign of goodwill would succeed.

HERE IS ANOTHER EXCHANGE, WHICH IS SUCH A WAKE UP CALL TO ALL OF US; At a funeral service, everyone left the cemetery except for the mourning husband and the rabbi. The husband remained at the grave for a long while; finally the rabbi approached him. “The service is long over, it is time for you to leave,” he said.
The man waved him away.
“You don’t understand. I loved my wife.”
“I am sure you did,”
the rabbi answered,
“but you have been here a very long time. You should go now.”
Again, the husband said,
“You don’t understand. I loved my wife.”
Once again, the rabbi urged him to leave.
“But you don’t understand,” the man told him,
“I loved my wife-----and once, I almost told her.”
Can you imagine the sense of shame if you have to stand at a grave and bid farewell, and realize then what you didn’t say when you could have, when you should have, when there was still time?
(from the book “Words that hurt, words that heal, by Joseph Telushkin)

We are now in the 3 weeks. Soon it will be Tisha B’Av. We will fast, we will try to repent for the sins that led to the destruction of the Bais Hamikdosh, because of ill will---Because people were not kind to one another.
The classic story of Kamtzu and Bar Kamtzu tells it all.


Can we, perhaps, start the repair with one sentence at a time? Say thank you to the toll booth attendant. Compliment your neighbor on his tidy lawn. Remark to the salesclerk that she looks like she lost some weight and how nice she looks. Tell the teller in the bank how efficient she is, and that it is a pleasure to do business with her.
Can we do it??

51 Comments:

At 12:44 PM, Blogger fsgsf said...

WOW!! Very powerful stuff MG!! This post was well worth the wait!!

I actually believe that "one" kind word, "one" kind gesture,"one" person CAN change the world for the better!! and it works the other way as well, with "one" unkind word etc. you can destroy the world!

You would be surprised how a small compliment can change a person's life!!

Allow me to start with you, MG, Your blog is written very well, your topics are thoughtful, and your style brings a smile to many faces throughout the day! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!

Peace!

NJ from NJ

 
At 12:55 PM, Blogger Margaritagirrl said...

Thank you, normaljew.......
I really believe strongly in this. My mother always says, "A good word doesn't cost any money to give, and makes the other person feel like a million dollars!"

 
At 12:56 PM, Blogger thekvetcher said...

YOU WANT TO BRING BACK LOVE TO NEW YORK? START SLEEPING WITH EVERYONE YOU MEET.

 
At 1:05 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

K KOMMUNIST
/
M MIZRACHIST
Z ZIONIST
A AGUDIST

WHERES THE LOVE HERE?

 
At 1:12 PM, Blogger jsirpicco said...

Kvetcher - one drop of leitzanus....anonymous...cute...
MG -yes, you're essentially right...

I'd say like this ( a great Rav once pointed it out)...no one can go from one end to other right away..if you're a grump, it's kind of part of who you are...but you can add in the good middah...so here a person can make a "commitment" to do one compliment "bein adom l'chaveiro" a day (one day at a time, cuz yetzer horah doth crouch at the door)...and then after a while, another one, etc...

Takes a while, and we want instant results, but Hashem has time to wait if our intentions are sincere...

PLUS PLUS PLUS - the shalom bayis box...nu? Even in your own home, MG...one nice remark a day could change the tone...one nice note in the box a week....

Okay..one more thing...there's a massive list people are trying to form of all the unmarried jewish singles we can find and think of...it's being formed at www.jpetition.com

It's an easy thing to do, plus, they're giving a dollar to charity for every name on the list, so it's a total win win....

Then they're giving the list to a singles group that's going to Israel next month, and they'll daven at Amuka...

So - in the three weeks, if you know people who need a shiddach, then go to www.jpetition.com - fill in names of people, or, if you don't know their Hebrew names and mother's name, etc. then forward them the list...

It would be a wonderful thing to have a huge list and have people davening for each other...

There's no age limit, no observance level limit...nothing, it's just a good thing someone pointed out to me and I'm passing this along.... www.jpetition.com

 
At 1:14 PM, Blogger Margaritagirrl said...

thekvetcher said...
"YOU WANT TO BRING BACK LOVE TO NEW YORK? START SLEEPING WITH EVERYONE YOU MEET."

Hmmmm.....an interesting thought. Let me "sleep" on it.

 
At 1:19 PM, Blogger Margaritagirrl said...

jsirpicco,
A very good idea. I'll check that site.

ABOUT AMUKA - I was there one month before I met my husband...so what does that say, hmmm?
(I guess the promise is to MEET someone, but no guarantee that happiness comes along with it)

 
At 1:22 PM, Blogger thekvetcher said...

JSIRP. HOWS THE KADDISH GOING?

 
At 1:27 PM, Blogger jsirpicco said...

MG - unfortunately, I guess yeah, sometimes the beshert does not equal "happy," but I dunno...

Kvetch - I am saying kaddish yes. The minimum halacha, as far as I know, and what I'm keeping, is at least once a day, after aleynu. Most days of course I do after all 3 davenings...but I'm not a perfect Tzaddik in this...but I do keep the minimum. It's really, actually Jsirpicco's alter ego that's saying kaddish, you know....

re: the list - it's legit...www.jpetition.com! Tell friends. Tell friends to tell their friends...it could be a really great thing...

Okay, plus - MG...what, you're not 5'7 with blonde hair? I wasn't describing fantasy...just thinking how you "look" in your writing....

 
At 1:27 PM, Anonymous ouschusid said...

as i told that clown the other day its knowing what and how to write that counts.
you can make gin and tonic with gordons or you can make it with bombay saphire

 
At 2:03 PM, Blogger yiddishe mamme said...

There's so much truth to the saying "kol hahascholos kashos" - All beginnings are hard. It's hard to take that first step, to say a kind word to someone feels unnatural at first, but then once you try it, you see it's so easy. Ever since I did the RAKs a few months ago, I find that I'm much friendlier in general. The other day, when I went to the supermarket, I parked nexto a car with an old man sitting in it. When I came out, about 45 minutes later, he was still sitting there, waiting. I thought a second before saying something (because it's not in my nature to be that way, so I have to give myself a little push) and then I said "you're a very patient man". I'm sure that even in the smallest way, I broke up the monotony of his long wait and made it a little more bearable. He in return told me what a beautiful baby I have!

This morning, on the other hand, I missed such an opportunity, and I regretted it instantly. An old man walked past me as I was taking my carriage out of my car, and he looked at me. For a second I was tempted to give him a smile, but then I felt stupid, so I didn't. The old man just walked on, but something in the way he looked made me think he would have appreciated a smile from me.

There's nothing to lose, and so much to gain - on both ends!

 
At 2:21 PM, Blogger Margaritagirrl said...

ouschusid said...
"as i told that clown the other day its knowing what and how to write that counts.
you can make gin and tonic with gordons or you can make it with bombay saphire"

AND I, OF COURSE, ALWAYS MAKE MY GIN & TONICS WITH BOMBAY SAPPHIRE..AND I TRY TO POST THE SAME WAY....GOOD QUALITY, NOT NECESSARILY QUANTITY.

 
At 2:30 PM, Blogger Margaritagirrl said...

Yiddishe Mamme said,
"then I said "you're a very patient man". I'm sure that even in the smallest way, I broke up the monotony of his long wait and made it a little more bearable. He in return told me what a beautiful baby I have! "

PERFECT EXAMPLE!! DOESN'T IT FEEL GREAT?

 
At 2:37 PM, Blogger yiddishe mamme said...

MG - But of course!

 
At 4:17 PM, Blogger Daniel said...

did u ever see the movie Pay it Forward Simalir concept to your idea. The movie starts off slowly, gets good, but the ending leaves alot to be desired. I also was somewhat callous towards cabbies ( not mea, just pareve) until I started treating them as patients and I saw them as "real people" with families. Now I try to give an extra dollar tip in addition to pleasant conversation. Good luck MG

 
At 4:45 PM, Blogger DOUBLESIDEDDILDO said...

NormalJew said...
FoncusedYid - My short response to your drible: FUCK OFF!!

And now for the long version: as i told you before, i have yet to meet a bigger hypocrite than you!! You are a spineless "holier than thou" kolel shit head who cant get a job if you tried!!

THESE ARE THE WORDS MG IS TALKING ABOUT ARE'NT THEY

 
At 5:12 PM, Blogger FoncusedYid said...

Normal jew: Be carefull you are bringing me to "Machshuves Zures" you are "machte" me Thats not what R Moshe wanted all these years!! You are flirting with margarita!! SHitas harambam its muter only bshas hadchak; Shitas Hatanya its muter only when you have PAS BESILLO i hope your wife is not up in the mountains!!

Yiddishemamme: I agree with you, that 70 yr old was thinking to himself, i had it all in life, all i am missing, is a smile from yiddishe mamme PULEASE!!!!!

Doublesided(oy) : Thanks for clearing it up to me, now i got the full meaning of the answer

Margarita: In the spirit of your nice blog, i went out last night and as usuall my hooker started negotiaing the price, i said: Bubbles my dear tonight youre getting an extra 20 just to make the world a better place and she was very happy. Its all the little things that help i totally agree!!!

PS i am not only a kollel dude, i actually give a shir over there. WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO!!!

 
At 5:55 PM, Blogger Margaritagirrl said...

DOUBLESIDEDDILDO says,
"THESE ARE THE WORDS MG IS TALKING ABOUT ARE'NT THEY"

Ummmmm....I was really thinking along different lines.........

 
At 5:59 PM, Blogger Margaritagirrl said...

FoncusedYid says,
"Margarita: In the spirit of your nice blog, i went out last night and as usual my hooker started negotiaing the price, i said: Bubbles my dear tonight youre getting an extra 20 just to make the world a better place and she was very happy. Its all the little things that help i totally agree!!!"

GEEZ......I'M SO GLAD YOU GOT MY POINT AND FOLLOWED THROUGH - WHAT A GUY.....

 
At 8:13 PM, Blogger Karl said...

Great inspiration - thanks MG.
The only problem is putting it into practice.

 
At 8:23 PM, Anonymous K said...

THE STARFISH POEM

Once upon a time there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work.

One day he was walking along
the shore. As he looked down the beach, he saw a human figure moving like a dancer.

He smiled to himself to think
of someone who would dance to the day. So he began to walk faster to catch up.

As he got closer, he saw that it was a young man and the young man wasn't dancing, but instead he was reaching down to the shore, picking up something and very gently throwing it into the ocean.

As he got closer he called out, "Good morning! What are you doing?"

The young man paused, looked up and replied, "Throwing starfish in the ocean."

"I guess I should have asked, why are you throwing starfish in the ocean?"

"The sun is up and the tide is going out. And if I don't throw them in they'll die."

"But, young man, don't you realize that there are miles and miles of beach and starfish all along it. You can't possibly make a difference!"

The young man listened politely.
Then bent down, picked up another starfish and threw it into the sea, past the breaking waves and said-"It made a difference for that one."

Author Unknown

 
At 8:27 PM, Blogger AnonyOne said...

I don't get it. Why don't you smile nicely to every salesperson/cabbie/etc.? I don't remember when I haven't smiled a hello/thank you; it's such an easy thing. And to make it easy for self-centered people to remember, you get better results if you act nicely, anyway!

 
At 8:55 PM, Blogger ClooJew said...

Beautiful!

There is a great story of a baal mussar who stood in front of the mirror practicing his smile, because his natural countenance carried a scowl.

"Havei mekabel es kol adam beseiver panim yafos." --Avos

 
At 10:37 PM, Blogger BrooklynJewishGuy said...

MG........... even your fan club,

FoncusedYid and DOUBLESIDEDDILDO

need a smile once in a while.

I'll help you :-)

Guys, if you really don't like it here, take a hike!

 
At 11:03 PM, Blogger fsgsf said...

In the spirit of MG's wonderful post, I will say to SHALOM to Foncusedyid. Be blessed!

Peace!

NJ from NJ

 
At 11:12 PM, Blogger Shevy said...

Sounds like the guy that was yelling on the train non-stop. "Spread the Love, Spread the love in teh city of hate"

 
At 9:04 AM, Blogger Semgirl said...

MG, despite what some of the jerks here say, you are absolutely right.

This is your best blog yet..

 
At 10:26 AM, Blogger Margaritagirrl said...

Thanks Semgirl,

 
At 2:32 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

IS BROOKLYN JEWISH GUY THE SAME AS NORMAL JEW?

 
At 2:35 PM, Blogger BARBARIANFROMCALIFORNIA said...

you girlie mons need to go out and kick some ass. you are all too uptight. and I piss on peace fron NJ.

 
At 7:38 PM, Blogger LostSpirit said...

Very very nice post and good point, I guess that the saying of “a word for a cent, two cent for silence” is not always true.And yes sure we can do it, and as they say charity starts at home, by being nice to our spouses and kids we can start this snow ball affect and have much impact to the positive.

P.S.
I must say I was wondering what where you doing stepping out of a cab with a guy? And even more so with one who is in to dispensing free love?!

 
At 5:40 AM, Blogger Rebel said...

The way i see it MG.

I think (correct me if I'm wrong)that by trying to make gaantz NY a happier place it will in turn make you happy as well.
I disagree.
happiness(just like charity) begins at home. "You" have to be happy first, and when that happens watch how it will carry over to the pepole around you and they in turn will carry it to thier friends. Thats how i think you will change NY without even knowing it.

 
At 10:30 PM, Blogger PositiveFrum said...

MG

You got a great blog. Interesting topics, well written and straight to the point.

Chazak!

 
At 5:04 PM, Blogger ghetto said...

powerful post wonderful as usual.
I've seen the "payback" of that one kind word, smile sooo many times not only does the reciprianct feel better but you feel good about yourself.
as hippie/bible bashing as it sounds
"people i appeal to u go spread the luvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv"
MG, if you take kvetchers advice ill move to NY ;) lol
thanks

 
At 8:46 PM, Blogger BarbaraFromCalifornia said...

What an excellent and beautiful post MG.

And you hit the nail on the head. A kind word, a small gesture, and a good heart can and do make all the differnce in the world.

Be well.

 
At 10:26 PM, Blogger Margaritagirrl said...

Ghetto says,
MG, if you take kvetchers advice I'll move to NY ;) lol

NOW, I'LL REALLY HAVE TO SLEEP ON IT.....

 
At 8:37 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

MG now she is accusing the frum jews of hitting nails on the head. when is her madness going to stop.

 
At 6:34 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

New york is a dreck place. eveyone curses and is jealous and even in the frum community. no one stops to say good shabbes. everyone is suspicious of everyone else vaad mishmeres and other dreck. thank god i left this cesspool a year ago i am never coming back again. there is hatred and mean spiritedness all around.

 
At 11:49 AM, Blogger Pragmatician said...

Here’s a story to complement your point.
About a Rabbi who acted as Mashgiach in a certain factory.
One day the guard saw his employer leaving and closing the factory for the day.
The guard told him that the Rabbi was still inside.
The employer argued that this wasn't possible since everybody had left already.
The guard insisted and they went to search for the Rabbi.
They found him inside the huge fridge unable to get out from inside. Had they not found him he would have died from the cold.
Now both were wondering how come the guard was so sure the Rabbi hadn't left, people were going in and out the whole time?
He answered that the Rabbi always greeted him when coming in and when leaving, and this time he couldn’t recall the Rabbi saying goodbye...

 
At 4:03 PM, Blogger Elster said...

Very nice post. I always try to go out of my way to be nice to people. I don't know if it rubs off or if people even notice, but I thnk I do it for selfish reasons anyway. it makes me feel better about myself./

 
At 5:36 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

why does every tom dick and harry have to say "NICE POST" VERY THouGHT PROVOKING. are your minds so simple that that is all you can say.

 
At 5:57 PM, Blogger Margaritagirrl said...

Pragmatician,
That is such a wonderful story.....and look how it saved his life! Being nice to people aLways pays off...Because YOU KNOW that you're doing the right thing, the kind thing. Thanks for the comment.

Anonymous.

Your comment that others leave simple comments saying "NICE POST" and wondering if that's all they can say, makes ME wonder; IS THAT ALL YOU CAN SAY??

 
At 8:55 AM, Blogger thekvetcher said...

its obvious that the anon is a thinker on a higher level and needs more Intellectual stimulation.

MG. have you given more thought about sleeping with everyone you meet. or at least give them a MARGARITA.
im sure that will friendly all those disgruntaled cab drivers.

 
At 10:12 AM, Blogger Elster said...

Anon:

Anyone who actually stopped to read and UNDERSTAND the otiginal post wouild realize that its WHOLE FEAKING POINT was that a good word goes along way. There's a concept in Judaism of Hakoras hatov - saying thank you, complimenting someone.

Of course, I don't understand anything I just wrote for I am but a simple mind after all

 
At 10:26 AM, Blogger fsgsf said...

Anon- the only thing mmore annoying than someone just saying "nice post" is someone who posts anonymously!! It is cowardly and unapreciated by bloggers.

Peace!

NJ from NJ

 
At 12:14 PM, Blogger thekvetcher said...

NORMAL THE ONLY THING THAT IS MORE ANNOYING THAN ANON COMMENTORS IS YOUR TYPOS.

LOL, I SAW THE CORRECTIONS

 
At 3:57 PM, Blogger BarbaraFromCalifornia said...

This post has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 4:57 PM, Blogger BarbaraFromCalifornia said...

You are completely right, MG.
Even when faced with harsh, judging words, a good word is the best medicine for our own souls.
Those who choose to be negative will have their own internal sufferings upon which to deal.

Good Shabbos

 
At 10:44 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Imagine what life would be like if this campaign of goodwill would succeed.

There is its called pay it foward

 
At 10:39 AM, Blogger Margaritagirrl said...

Anonymous said...
Imagine what life would be like if this campaign of goodwill would succeed.

its called pay it foward.

EXACTLY! AND WOULDN'T THAT BE GREAT IF IT COULD SUCCEED OUTSIDE OF THE MOVIES ........ALTHOUGH SOME PEOPLE REALLY DO PRACTICE THIS CAMPAIGN OF GOODWILL TOWARD OTHERS.

 
At 8:10 PM, Blogger brianna said...

Very inspiring.
Very powerful.
Even this post will have its own ripple effects.

 

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